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J. Steven Svoboda is a member of TheMensCenter Advisory Council, an Independent attorney active in human rights law and Executive Director of Attorneys for the Rights of the Child (ARC).
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By J. Steven Svoboda... |
By Alison A. Armstrong. Sherman Oaks, CA: PAX Programs, Inc.,
Alison Armstrong, creator of the workshop for women Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women, has written a most remarkable novel. It is axiomatic that novels, to be successful, must typically depict some striking conflict that engages the reader’s attention. Keys to the Kingdom manages to succeed both as a work of fiction and as an exposition of Armstrong’s engaging gender theories while telling the story of a series of characters that are by and large uniformly nice, likable, and even at times inspiring.
77-year-old Claudia comes from a family that has a tradition, going back fully twenty-five generations, of passing on from mother to daughter a set of teachings about men. However, Claudia had no daughters, and her divorcee granddaughter Kimberlee seemed uninterested in receiving her grandmother’s knowledge. So Claudia chooses a woman who attends her yoga classes to be her student and eventually in a series of meetings passes on some of her information to Karen. As a result, Karen’s relationship with her husband Mike goes through some remarkable transformations. Later (it is tempting to explain further but I don’t want to spoil the plot!) some further, delightfully unexpected benefits flow from the risk Claudia took in passing on her information to a stranger, contrary to the usual rules followed by her family.
This book is so much more than the sum of its parts. A lot of the theories related by Claudia are freshly formulated, and there are new kernels of wisdom contained in the doctrines. I will share a few to give a flavor for the book:
Men go through a passage Claudia calls the “Tunnel,” most commonly in their late thirties or early forties, at a point where they have established themselves in their career. They enter the Tunnel as a “Middle Prince” and come out the other side as a “King.” While going through the Tunnel, men distance themselves from those closest to them, so as to be most able to create their own independent identity. After passing through the Tunnel, career becomes less central in a man’s self-definition. This passage is sometimes mislabeled a mid-life crisis because it is often a crisis—for the man’s wife! Kings are wise and primarily devoted to helping others, and simply will not do anything that does not “interest” them. (pp. 94-95)
Men view their opinions as extensions of themselves, and thus relative to women are more reluctant to express opinions on issues peripheral to them. At the same time, men will more fiercely defend any opinions they do express because they tend to view the opinions as integral to their selves. (pp. 132-33)
Men love to give. Not receiving is selfish and receiving is generous. (p. 143)
Keys to the Kingdom is likely to bring tears to your eyes, joy to your heart, and fascinating new thoughts to your brain. Don’t miss it!
J. Steven Svoboda ©2005
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