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J. Steven Svoboda is a member of TheMensCenter Advisory Council, an Independent attorney active in human rights law and Executive Director of Attorneys for the Rights of the Child (ARC).
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By J. Steven Svoboda... |
“If He is Raped: A Guidebook for Parents, Partners, Spouses, and Friends.” By Alan McEvoy, Debbie Rollo, and Jeff Brookings. Holmes Beach, Florida: Learning Publications, 1999. 104 pages (main volume) plus 28 pages (abridged version in pamphlet form). No price information. www.learningpublications.com. , extension Q.
“If He is Raped” is a slim yet interesting volume, with more merits than demerits. While a few other books have been devoted in part or in whole to male sexual victimization, I believe this is the only book yet published to advise people who are close to a male rape victim how to assist him in recovering from the experience. “If He is Raped” takes its topic seriously. Most of the information presented is useful and accurate, and much of the advice quite sensible if sometimes a bit obvious. Take the victim’s feelings seriously. Do not make light of them or question his masculinity or sexual orientation. Be patient, and do not pressure him to talk about his feelings before he is ready. Advice on dealing with flashbacks is offered. The list of “do’s” and “don’t’s” on pages 23-25 is particularly useful. (Do not tell him that you will “get” the rapist because this will cause him to fear for YOUR safety. Do reassure him that he isn’t responsible for being raped. Do not let your anger shift attention away from his needs. Do allow him to regain some control by encouraging him to make small decisions and then larger ones. Do not touch or hold him without a sign that he agrees to your touch.)
Celebration is justified by the fact that a book exists focusing on helping a male victim’s family and friends to support him. At least one book has been written for the victims themselves, Everything You Need to Know When You Are the Male Survivor of Rape or Sexual Abuse by John LaValle.
However, a few things about “If He is Raped” bothered me. For one thing, I find the overall tone too culturally limited and, in fact, too allied with the female sensibility. Many men would roll their eyes at the soft, ever sensitive, oh-so-nuanced language used throughout by the authors. It’s the classic example of a preaching-to-the-converted book that is going to be impenetrable for most of the audience that could actually derive some value from it. It is true that many of the readers (wives, mothers, friends) will be women but many others (gay partners, fathers, friends) will be male, and presumably the victim himself may also wish to seek some advice from the book.
Secondly, there are a few troubling inaccuracies. While the authors’ awareness of male rape victims is still regrettably rare in our society, they do not realize that males actually outnumber females as rape victims when prison rapes are included in the tabulation. Their suggestion that only 5 percent of all forcible rapes involve male victims is thus woefully inaccurate. While I was pleased to see one sentence noting in passing that “rare” instances of female perpetrators and male victims do occur, no further mention of female-on-male rape was made despite a number of prominent news reports about such incidents in recent years.
At the end of the book, five case studies are included which do a nice job of humanizing and making specific the general issues discussed in the earlier sections of the book. I was troubled by the absence of any female perpetrators in these five examples, despite the fact that one case study discussed a mother-stepfather family, in which statistically sexual abuse by Mom is the most common type of abuse.
Finally, perhaps this is not exactly a criticism, but it seems a little odd that the authors and publisher felt it necessary to print up an abridged version of a book that only comprises 96 pages of text plus references. The abridged version is 26 pages long and comes as a pamphlet included for buyers of the book. It is truly hard to imagine any reader able to relate to the book’s perhaps overly feeling-oriented and intellectual approach, and yet not capable of making it through a book of under 100 pages.
All in all, this is a worthy first effort on the subject of how to support a male victim of rape, but we may hope that more comprehensive works with a more male-friendly tone will appear in the future.
©2000 J. Steven Svoboda
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