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J. Steven Svoboda is a member of TheMensCenter Advisory Council, an Independent attorney active in human rights law and Executive Director of Attorneys for the Rights of the Child (ARC).
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By J. Steven Svoboda... |
"broken hearts... healing: young poets speak out on divorce"
Edited by Tom Worthen, Ph.D.
Logan, Utah: Poet Tree Press, 2001. www.poettreepress.com
Books of poetry written by children inevitably present the reader with a bit of a mixed bag, especially when--as here--the poetry is all devoted to a specific highly emotional theme, in this case divorce. Few are so hardhearted that they would shut out the sweet, heartfelt words of young people recovering from a severing of the marital bond between their mother and father. No matter how stale or repetitive the epressed sentiments may be, one can too easily feel compelled to find a way of praising them.
Happily, Tom Worthen's book rarely confronts the reader with this problem. Creative Communication has been sponsoring poetry contests for youngsters since 1993, and the poems presented here were culled from the best submissions relating to divorce. So Worthen presumably had many poems to choose from, and by and large he seems to have done an excellent job of picking the standout works.
Naturally, few if any of these poems would actually be considered publishable in an adult poetry journal. But that is not really the role of these short works by young poets. Instead, they are pleasant and at times moving to read. And they offer us brief, accessible glimpses into the views of many boys and girls who have lived through divorce. The book is organized around sixteen themes ("divorce changes everything," "i'm caught in the middle," "my two homes," etc.). Worthen applies his categories judiciously so as to heighten the pleasure and instructiveness of the individual pieces.
Inevitably, some poems are better than others, and unavoidably, a certain sameness does crop up in the many youthful tales of divorce woes. And yet a number of pearls lie here waiting to be harvested. Some of the standout works inform us by telling us lesser heard stories. Ten-year-old Carrie of Ohio tells us of how her mother left their family and moved out west: "She said "SEATTLE'S THE BEST!" / Yet I feel like an empty cup."
The occasional positive poem helps get us through the many stories of broken hearts. 12-year-old Nicole of Tennessee counts her blessings in having a father she can rely on. She writes in "Father" that "My father is a role model, / he has a kind heart, / he is always there for me.... Even though I live in a totally different state / he is always there for me." 9-year-old Sean of Maryland tells us in "Broken Families," "Although I live with my mom, / I really love my dad. / My dad is really great.... I have a split life--it splits right in two. / Half my mother, / Half my father too. / I love them both equally, / I don't play favorites like parents do." Two young girls add uplifting poems about how much they enjoy having two homes to visit, with two sets of friends, a pet at each house, and so on. Particularly moving is 16-year-old Crystal's poem "Dads" about her father and stepfather: "One helped give you a name / the other is around to say it... One helped give you emotions / the other is learning to calm your fears / One had to leave /it was all that he could do / the other prayed for a family / and God sent him straight to you." A boy and girl provide poems on consecutive pages in praise of their stepmothers. 14-year-old Tracy writes, "I have a step mom too / And at first I didn't like her / But now I really do."
Other poems shine with their original language and their youthful creators' ability to transform their raw feelings into potent images. Shari of Missouri writes, "Without [my father] my life is like a donut; / There will always be a part of me somewhere else." In "Divorce," Melissa of New York (p. 13) deftly portrays the differences in what adults and children obtain from divorce. "Dad gets the lawn furniture, / You get the garden gnomes, / I get the heartache. / Dad gets the mocrowave, / You get the couch, / I get the tears." She concludes with the understandable plea, "You both get what you want, / Why can't I get what I want?" In "Dream in My Pocket," Tricia of Ohio brilliantly echoes Alanis Morrissette as she summarizes the split felt by many children of divorce: "I have a dream in my pocket, / I have my life in the other, / I just can't decide between one of the other. / I have my mom in my pocket, / I have my dad in the other." Near the end things turn chilling: "I have a knife in my pocket, / I have my life in the other, / Who knows what will happen if things don't start getting better?"
Still other poems inspire with their message. Melissa of New Jersey, despite clearly being in pain over the loss of her father, finds the strength to urge her readers, "Give yourself a chance -- it will do your body good. / Don't forget to keep your head high / and always look for the brighter sky." One girl starts with a by now familiar story: "Divorce... / the word pierces me like an arrow / the memories of the screaming / and arguing and slamming doors / and pulling away in a car / leaving daddy behind." But she finds the gold here: "... mommy and daddy / still live in separate houses with separate families / but the fights have ended / and mommy and daddy are happy / and they still love me just as much."
Books such as this are not really meant to be read straight through, and if in fact one does read more than a dozen or so poems in a sitting, a certain repetitiveness may set in. Few readers will find this the most phenomenal book of verse they have ever read, but even fewer will walk away from it without having their understanding of and compassion for children of divorce enhanced and broadened. We can all learn from the periodic flashes of deep insight this book offers, such as precocious 9-year-old Katie of Te
as, who provides this striking symbol in her poem "Dominoes": "My world is like dominoes, / Everything is falling down.... My heart is crushed, just as their marriage was, / But I still stand tall-- / ... My world will never be the same, / But, I'm still standing and / My dominoes are still falling. / Maybe one day / My dominoes will stand with me too."
©2000 J. Steven Svoboda
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