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Monthly Column... |
Your Loving Independence
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
This country was founded on the belief that each individual is important. Each one entitled to be free, to be independent -- not just from British rule but from oppressive regulation from the United States government as well. In other words, being different, unique and separate in identity was seen as an inalienable right.
Do you treat your own behaviors, attitudes, and feelings with such reverence? Do you honor your spouse's differing ways as sacred? Chances are pretty good that your answer is no. Why? Because, while the founding fathers attempted to protect your sovereign uniqueness with the First Amendment, which spelled out your right to freedom of speech, you've probably grown up feeling that it's not wise to be too different, too independent.
Because the fear of differences between people is epidemic it undermines our marriages and our ability to create long-lasting romance. That's why in our next book, Be Loved For Who You Really Are, which will be out in October from Renaissance Books, we focus on what is required to truly gain independence in dating and marriage and better yet -- be loved for it!
How about that! You get to be who you are in your own right -- and be
loved for being nothing more nor less than who you really are! That doesn't mean you never have to change in order to nurture the love and life you share with someone. To the contrary, when you feel accepted as is, you find yourself wanting to change in order to grow and expand and feed the love that so fully embraces you.
You may be saying, "How do I get this kind of love?" After all, isn't this what everyone wants -- to be loved and accepted with no demand to fulfill someone else's expectations? Well, first you have to be committed to a belief in independence in which you recognize that everyone is different and special in their unique ways. Then you have to give up your fantasies that a lifelong love comes to you for free and/or on your own terms. Love has much bigger designs on you than that.
Love that lasts will take you on a journey that is both challenging and
filled with blessings. We call this the arc of love and it is made up of four passages -- each with its own gifts and need for personal development. And what is love's goal throughout it all? To lead you into wholeness. To open your heart beyond anything you've ever imagined. To reveal to you how to celebrate life every day -- no matter what is happening. That is what occurs when you are fully loved and who you are keeps changing and growing through your willingness to express and live inside your independence.
When you are loved for who you really are, you are a living, breathing
celebration of all that July 4th stands for!
Copyright 2002 Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James
Sniechowski, Ph.D., all rights reserved
Husband-and-wife psychology team Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., are the bestselling authors of (Renaissance/St. Martin's Press 2001, paperback edition
early 2003 from Griffin Books)
Judith & Jim also provide workshops, seminars and lectures to singles and couples nationally and internationally on all issues of gender and relationships. They also consult to corporations on these issues. They've worked with 100,000 people to date.
They also consult privately to couples and singles about intimacy and relationships. For more information please go to: http://www.thenewintimacy.com
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