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Monthly Column... |
6 Keys to Lifelong Romance
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
Valentine's Day may bring you special closeness and great fun but the only way that love can be trusted and last over time is by creating a relationship that respects and values both people as unique. Just follow these simple keys:
1. Your partner is not you.
No matter how much two people have in common, when they enter into a relationship they soon find out all the ways they are different from each other. It's those differences that make them uniquely who they are.
So remember, both of you need to be aware of this simple fact and not try to fit each other into preconceived expectations.
2. You co-create your relationship right from the beginning.
Two people are alway teaching each other what they want and don't want from their relationship, and they do this, actively or passively, right from their very first date.
So remember, if you want things to change in your relationship, you have the power to make that happen.
3. Making love out of bed keeps the passion flowing
Everyone wants to be admired, appreciated, and reasurred that they are lovable. Besides cute gifts and cards "just because" and special phone calls that say "I love you," there's no end to the ways we can make love out of bed
So remember, be generous every day with your open expression of affection, attraction, and devotion. After all, you can never be too affectionate.
4. Curiosity about your partner is essential,
We all want to be recognized and appreciated for who we are. When two people continue getting to know each other, their love can never be boring because they don't take each other for granted.
So remember, when your interest in each other every day is sincere, that creates a deep, ongoing, romantic bond. Curiosity is the sweetest aphrodisiac there is.
5. Healthy conflict resolution keeps love alive and growing.
Conflicts are like SOS signals telling both people that something in their relationship isn't working and needs to change. If they are both dedicated to the well-being of their relationship, then conlficts can be gifts that inspire them to grow emotinally and spiritually.
So remember, your relationship must be more important than "winning." When you keep that in mind you can dedicate yourselves to making your relationship whatever you both need it to be.
6. You must be able to receive love.
Most of us focus on whether or not our partner is being loving enough. But we pay little attention to whether or not we are receiving the love that is coming to us each and every day.
So remember, love will come to you in many ways, some you may not even recognize. But when you stay open to receiving, you will learn not only how lovable you are but just how capable you are of giving love in return.
Copyright 2002 Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James
Sniechowski, Ph.D., all rights reserved
Husband-and-wife psychology team Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., are the bestselling authors of (Renaissance/St. Martin's Press 2001, paperback edition
early 2003 from Griffin Books)
Judith & Jim also provide workshops, seminars and lectures to singles and couples nationally and internationally on all issues of gender and relationships. They also consult to corporations on these issues. They've worked with 100,000 people to date.
They also consult privately to couples and singles about intimacy and relationships. For more information please go to: http://www.thenewintimacy.com
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