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Mark Brandenburg has a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has been a counselor, business consultant, sports counselor, and a certified life and business coach. He has worked with individuals, teams, and businesses to improve their performance for over 20 years.
Prior to life and business coaching Mark was a world-ranked professional tennis player and has coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped thousands of individuals to implement his coaching techniques.
Mark specializes in coaching men to balance their lives and to improve the important relationships in their lives. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers,” and “Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less” (And Improve Yourself at the Same Time).
BOOKS BY MARK BRANDENBURG
Click here to buy
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Monthly Column... |
Rules for Fathers
by
, M.A., C.P.P.C., C.S.C.
I watched a father and his thirteen-year old son play tennis for awhile the other day. When the father would miss shots he would often get angry and talk about how terrible his shot was.
When the son began to miss shots and to get discouraged, his father called over to the other side, “Don’t get so negative!”
It was a reminder to me how important we are as role models to our kids and also how easily we can become blind to the impact we have.
Fathers can have an impact on their kids in a profound way if they pay attention to how they serve as models and if they use good sense in their parenting. Here is a list of “rules” that fathers can follow to improve their parenting
Rule #1 Expect a great deal from your kids
If your kids know that you expect a lot from them they will rise to the occasion. Everything from saying please and thank-you to effort in school or on the athletic field, if expectations are there in a loving atmosphere your kids will know that you think a lot of them.
Rule #2 Always be willing to be the problem
When you are convinced that someone in your family is causing “the problem” and you are blaming them for it, realize that this problem won’t get better until you accept that you are making it worse by blaming them for it. It may feel good to blame, but it never improves a thing. Loving and accepting that person will improve it.
Rule #3 Know your child’s life intimately
Get to know all that you can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes are, etc. By showing interest you are showing you love them. By not asking you show that it’s not important.
Rule #4 Say no to your kids
There’s an awful lot of stuff out there for kids these days. They want to have it. Kids who get almost everything that they want typically don’t turn out to be very happy kids. Kids learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification when they are told no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, but saying no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy, and cooperative kids.
Rule #5 Hitting or spanking your kids doesn’t work
There are plenty of studies that show that kids who are spanked have lower self-esteem. Spanking your kids will also be likely to increase the very kinds of behaviors that you are spanking them for. As a father, do you really want your child to be afraid of you?
Rule #6 Treat your wife extremely well
This is where your kids get their most important information about relationships between men and women. Make a great effort not to fight in front of the kids. Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.
Law #7 Actions speak louder than words
Many parents spend time threatening their children when their kids aren’t cooperating. If actions aren’t carried out, you can threaten till the cows come home. Your children will learn to ignore the threats. They will understand action. If certain privileges are taken away because of their lack of cooperation, they will learn very quickly that you mean business. Try your best to align the consequences with the action. ( If you don’t clean
your room in time, you won’t have time for stories before bed ).
Rule #8 “Really” listen to your kids
Don’t just hear what they say to you, learn to understand the meaning behind what they say as well. “I’m picking my own clothes!” might mean that your child wants more responsibility or independence. Be able to reflect back what your child says to you. If you want your child to listen to you, you absolutely must listen to them.
Rule #9 Give your kids responsibility as they grow older
When your kids are very young, maybe they just help you make their beds in the morning and help keep their room clean. As they get older, add things to their list. Tell them that this is how a family works…everybody has certain things that they do. If you do it when they’re young it’s more likely they’ll do it when they’re older. Don’t reward them for things that should be expected of them.
Rule #10 Tell you’re kids they’re great… all the time
It is especially important to tell them this when they’re not at their best. It’s easy to tell them when things are going well. Make it a point to tell them specifically what you think is great about them. This will be more meaningful than just telling them they’re great.
There are many more rules that could have been added to this list. I hope you find them helpful. Is there an area where you’re falling short? Let me know if there are rules that have been helpful for you in your fathering. Email me at and let me know.
Happy Fathering,
Mark Brandenburg M.A., C.P.P.C., C.S.C.
BOOKS BY MARK BRANDENBURG - Click here to buy
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25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers
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60 Tips for Fathers to Create Happy, Connected, and Responsible Kids
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"Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less" (And Improve Yourself at the Same Time)
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