Kids as Killers

"Kids as Killers"
July 2000

I would like to avoid talking about the rash of school killings that has plagued us all over the past two years, but I guess I can't. The reason I don't want to talk about it is that I have nothing intelligent to say... as if that would stop me.

I really don't have any well reasoned, deeply held, wisely thought out, or statistically based ideas about why this stuff has happened. I DO have some emotional ideas about it, and though they are not knee-jerk responses; I've thought about them for quite awhile, they do come from my feeling level. So here they are;

First of all, I think all of this began a long time ago and I don't know that we could have foreseen or even prevented any of it. Historically, there is nothing new about children becoming killers. Billy-the-Kid was 14 or 15 when he began his murderous career. Joan of Arc was 17 when she led a small army to fight the English. Many, if not most of the boys who fought in World War ll., Viet Nam and Desert Storm were just that, young boys; and now girls as well, when they went off to kill and be killed. We put guns and bombs of all sizes into the hands of very young people in the service of National Honor and that has always been the case throughout history.

So we know that young people have the capacity to kill. That isn't the shocker. What shocks me is that nobody, especially not the parents of any of these high school kids, seemed to know that anything was going on with them before they stockpiled the weapons and broke into the gun cabinets.
I have no solutions to any of this but this is the scenario I suggest has unfolded. After the Depression of the 30's and WW ll., a whole generation of adults who had been through those crises pledged that their children would never know "need". They set out to give their kids everything. To rescue them from any struggle. To keep them from discomfort. These kids, in turn, raised another generation of kids who didn't know that struggle was ever a historical reality. They came in with an attitude of entitlement. We're talking white middle class here. Lower class parents and kids of color and the newest immigrants had and have a lot further to go when it comes to touching this kind of affluence. That struggle still looks like the Depression and gives rise to a different set of problems.

Check out the middle class, mostly white school yards. It used to be that the cars in the parking lot belonged to the faculty. Now most of the cars parked out there belong to the students. And they are newer than most of the faculty vehicles! Want to lay odds on how many of these cars was actually purchased with after school job money earned by any of these students?

I know kids in our school district, not a wealthy one by any means, who get allowances of $25 and up a week, and they don't get these financial grants because they work for them or need the money for lunch.

You can see where I'm headed here. I think kids have way too much freedom and money and way too little responsibility and struggle. I think parents have tried to buy their way out of teaching kids about real life and have made it far too easy for kids to cop out of learning the difficult lessons they must learn in order to become responsible to their community. In addition, with two parents working in most intact families now, everybody is out of touch with one another.

Secondly; the use of our schools as training camps for pro sports thus elevating athletes into a super class and combining this with the social promotion of kids who aren't doing the work along with a general lowered expectation of achievement gives rise to the idea that being dumb is "cool".

Thirdly; our society has long been invested in the glamorization of violence since the dime novel and is now also addicted to chaos. There's an "M-TV" kind of rush about everything from camera angles on any given TV show to "Industrial Rock" where "lyrics don't matter" and, apparently, melody isn't important either. The message? Noise and motion is what "entertainment" has become. There is not a night, or perhaps even an hour, that goes by without either a news cast or a TV magazine special on violence, death and or disorder. Every message sent to us, most especially our kids, is that the world is a dangerous place and no one can be trusted. And we seem to be leaving the straightening out of all of this to somebody else. The "Authorities"! Whether they be authorities on child raising, school teachers or, ultimately, the cops. And the big box office movies, not necessarily the best movies, are still those with the most action. Story? Character development? Point?

Fahgetaboudit.

I think if we want better kids, we need to be better adults, better parents. Sometimes that means being better authorities ourselves. That means responding to what we know inside just isn't right about any given situation. A teen treating a parent or a teacher with disrespect isn't right. We know that, but in the name of individual freedom and "growth and development" we excuse it. "Oh well, it's just a phase he/she is going through." Or maybe we just blow it off. We don't want to "make a big deal out of it." And yes, it cuts both ways. BUT, position and eldership deserve respect to begin with.

We need to be more sure of what we expect and more involved in seeing that those expectations are met. That certainly means knowing what our kids are up to. It means making demands upon them to be responsible. And it means allowing them to experience the outcome of their choices. If Debbie or James flunks a year because nobody in their crowd works for grades and they want to be like everybody else, so be it. If it means that they ride the bus to school instead of driving the VW Beetle, bravo!

As far as the schools go, if we have to put metal detectors at the doors; do it! We must assume that some kids will try to run power games on others with weapons. We are a society full of weapons, why wouldn't some kids who don't have responsible parents, be carrying? So, screen them out and throw them out. Nobody should have a gun or a knife on the school grounds. We need to do whatever it takes to enforce that one. What happens to them once they are thrown out? I don't know. Frankly, I care more about the ones who are safer because we got the problem-starters out.

Being firm is not about being unreasonable or without compassion, although sometimes a parent needs to be those things too. It's that damned paradox stuff; firm without being rigid. Compassionate but not led by heart all the time. This is a guy way of dealing with all of this, and as I stated when I started down this road, this comes from my emotional place, not my retired-therapist place. So somebody else will have to set up the programs for the ones who select violence as a way of life. Right now all I care about is that my kids, and yours, HAVE a life in high school and beyond.

Lastly; as for guns and the NRA; if we can't get rid of them, and we can't, I say register every damn gun in the U.S.! I'll be first in line. There is no reason under the sun for not doing it and the hell with the rationalizations about; "the right to bear arms." This isn't 1776 anymore boys. Or 1880. Citizens of these United States are never going to take to the streets and need their guns to hold off the government troops. Get real. It's the lawyers who will get us if anybody does. Want to protect individual rights? Ditch the gun support argument and start arming with knowledge.

A little wisdom wouldn't hurt either.

Coyote On Coyote - More about Coyote by Dick Prosapio

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