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'INNOCUOUS' VIOLENCE TRIGGERS THE REAL THING
By Scott Sleek, Monitor staff
The Monitor is the journal of the American Psysological Association
The American Psychological Association (APA), in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 155,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants, and students. Through its divisions in 50 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 59 state, territorial, and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession, and as a means of promoting human welfare.
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Since the days when Carole Lombard smacked and punched her leading men, Ralph Kramden threatened to hit Alice 'right in the kisser,' and Andy Capps wife whacked him over the head with a rolling pin, Americans have grown accustomed to chuckling at lovers exchanging insults, raised fists or slaps in the face. But psychologists say its time to stop laughing.
Increasingly, researchers find that the minor, mutual slaps, kicks and shoves depicted in television, movies and comic strips is an all-too-common, and all-too-destructive, feature of real-life love and marriage. Although such acts may seem trivial compared to the type of assaults that force so many wives to seek refuge in battered womens shelters, psychologists have come to accept them as abusiveto the psyche if not the body. And they worry that such fighting can escalate into outright battering, in which the man usually has the physical advantage. But psychologists are shocked to find that many couples regard such actions as innocuous, even normal in any loving relationship. '[Low-level] violence is an unspoken problem that occurs in many families,' says Dina Vivian, PhD, who is a psychologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook and studies marital communication and conflict. 'But most couples dont see it as a big problem.' Many researchers believe the behavioral sciences and social activists, in advancing societys understanding of battered women over the last 20 years, have looked at only the most severe aspects of partner abuse. Theyre now trying to understand the causes and implications of the more ambiguous forms of physical assault. And they believe that practitioners need to improve their ability to identify and address bidirectional abuse with the couples they treat. 'I would say that most couples' therapy is conducted where some form of physical, psychological or emotional abuse exists,' says Michele Bograd, PhD, an Arlington, Mass., marital therapist who treats families touched by domestic violence. 'But I would say therapists dont identify it, because they dont ask. And when they do identify it, they dont know how to deal with it. Its a kind of a quiet avoidance.' How it starts The interest in low-level or non-injurious physical aggression between romantic partners is growing out of psychologists longstanding work with battered women. K. Daniel OLeary, PhD, for example, first became interested in the subject in the early 80s, when he was providing services in a battered womens shelter. He wanted to find out how arguments degenerated into physical violence. And in a variety of studies over the last 15 years, hes found that people often become mired in low-level physical aggression as early as the dating stage. Couples often exchange slaps or shoves long before they exchange vows. 'In about two-thirds of the cases seen at our marital clinic, no one is really beaten up,' says OLeary, a professor at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. 'Its just pushing, slapping or shoving in anger. But I worry that it could eventually lead to more severe abuse in the marriage. And it certainly can lead to marital deterioration and divorce.' Research has also amassed other similarities about romantic partners who exchange minor physical blows. They tend to: " Express a strong commitment to the relationship. " Also engage in psychological abuse, such as insults and verbal threats. " Dismiss the physical fighting as minor, infrequent or secondary to other problems. In fact, Vivian and her colleagues have found that less than 10 percent of violent spouses entering marital therapy report the aggression as a presenting problem. Such couples typically express a high degree of dissatisfaction with the relationship overall. And although the aggression appears to decline with age, a significant number of couples remain aggressive well beyond the first two years of marriage. And aggressive behavior seems to be particularly prevalent among high school and college students, research shows. Twenty to 50 percent of adolescents experience some form of violent behavior from a dating partner by the time they reach age 15, although they dont always identify it as such, according to many studies. And several researchers have found that most of the college students they survey report violence in their relationships. In fact, women are more likely to acknowledge being the aggressors than are men (see related story on page 30). Psychologists express particular concern about the interpretations many young people have about violence and romance. Francine Lavoie, PhD, a professor at the Université Laval in Quebec, has surveyed more than 1,000 high school students over the last several years and finds that more than half of them believe romantic jealousywhich they name as one of the biggest causes of violenceis actually a sign of love. 'Its disturbing to see that young people excuse violence by justifying it as a kind of evidence of love,' Lavoie and her colleague Marie-Hélène Gagné wrote in Canadas Mental Health, Fall 1993, p. 11-15. Taking action Psychologists say they still have much to learn about lower levels of violence. But many are taking what they do know and using it to launch techniques aimed at intervening with and preventing low-level abuse. Theyre particularly targeting adolescents and young adults, trying to offset violent actions and attitudes before they become habit. For example, OLeary and his colleagues have developed a curriculum for high school students that shows promise. The five-session curriculum, incorporated into health classes in New York state schools, aims to reduce students acceptance of dating violence. Outcome evaluations show that students who participate in the program become significantly less tolerant of physical abuse in romantic arguments than do students who dont receive the curriculum. They develop better knowledge on how to resolve conflicts peacefully, and theyre able to reduce dominating and jealous behaviors toward a partner, he says. The rate of students who report being victims of dating violence has also fallen in the schools that use the program, OLeary adds. Lavoie of the Université Laval has also helped design a similar education program that is now used in schools in the province of Quebec and that is also yielding successful results. And APA, along with other organizations involved in the federally sponsored Partners in Program Planning in Adolescent Health, has developed a brochure titled 'Love Doesnt Have to Hurt Teens.' The educational brochure emphasizes that teens who are slapped and shoved by a dating partner are indeed enduring abuse, and it encourages them to end such relationships and seek support and protection from teachers, guidance counselors or friends. For adult couples, researchers like Dina Vivian at Stony Brook believe that screening for domestic violence should be a standard component of every intake for couples, regardless of the presenting problem. They call on marital therapists to use instruments that ask couples not only whether violence occurs in their relationship, but about their use of specific behaviorsranging from shouting to punchingduring romantic clashes. Using such tools as the adapted version of the Conflict Tactics Scale allows therapists to identify violent behaviors that the couple may mistakenly regard as a nonissue. Bograd and Fernando Mederos, EdD, an independent consultant on domestic violence issues, recommend a protocol for both detecting violent behavior in couples who come to therapy and deciding whether the couple can be treated jointly rather than separately. Like many psychologists, Bograd and Mederos generally disapprove of conjoint therapy for couples mired in domestic abuse. But they believe in some cases it may be used under certain conditions, such as when the fighting is minor and poses no physical danger to the woman. Even for mutually violent couples, the therapy should focus first and foremost on ending the mans violencemainly because he can inflict more physical and psychological harm than the woman, Bograd says. And even though it may seem counterintuitive given the physical fighting, she says, the therapist should never question the spouses strong bond with each other. In fact, conjoint work should only proceed when the couple shows evidence of some degree of mutual affection, empathy and commitment, she adds.
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