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Jim Bracewell is president of The Men's Resource Network, Inc. (MRN) and editor of MENSIGHT Magazine online. MRN sponsors TheMensCenter
.com & MENSIGHT Magazine.
The average weight of a four year old girl is 35 pounds. That means if Madelyne Toogood was the average weight for a woman (140 pounds), she would be four times larger than her child. When you consider the view point of the child, it’s like being attacked by a giant.
... The rate at which infants are murdered by women in the U.S. is higher than the rate at which women are murdered by men."
We must raise our awareness that the potential for violence exists in women as well men... it is a human potential. This is important because in our current cultural climate, men are blamed in some way for almost all violence even when a man claims to be a victim... "he must have done something to deserve it." This was, in fact, implied in the blame-the-victim defense presented for Clara Harris, the "Mercedes murderer." If only male perpetrators are held fully accountable to the law for their actions, nothing will change in our society.
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Editorial... |
One Woman's Violence Exposed:
Sentence for Toogood Not Too Bad
by
Recently (Feb. 14, 2003), Madelyne Gorman Toogood pled guilty to a felony battery charge. Toogood, as the world knows by now, is the mother who was caught on security videotape beating her 4 year old daughter Martha.
The judge sentenced her, under misdemeanor guidelines, giving her a one-year suspended sentence, with a year of probation and a $500 fine. As part of the plea agreement, prosecutors dropped a more serious charge of battery of a child and a misdemeanor charge of giving police officers a false address.
Afterward, Toogood's response was, "I've pretty much been crucified by everything that's happened. I don't know if my life will ever be the same. I've been persecuted by the press." She seemed to be more concerned about how badly she has been portrayed by the press than the trauma she has caused her child. It's as if she thinks she herself is the victim instead of Martha. There is little recognition of her sole responsibility for, and the gravity of, what she did.
Imagine someone four times your size physically attacking you for no apparent reason. Imagine further that this betrayal is by someone you love and are totally dependant on. Would you be afraid, confused, terrified… traumatized?
Not according to Steven "Rocket" Rosen the attorney for Madelyne Toogood. “There has been no trauma caused to the child,” Rosen reportedly said shortly after TooGood was tracked down by authorities. No trauma? Has he seen the video tape?
The average weight of a four year old girl is 35 pounds. That means if Madelyne Toogood was the average weight for an adult woman (140 pounds), she would be four times larger than her child. When you consider the view point of the child, it’s like being attacked by a giant. More specifically, like a 140 pound woman, similar to Toogood, being attacked by a 560 pound enraged person.
We are rightfully outraged by adult-on-adult domestic violence reports. However, the average domestic violence perpetrator is not four times larger than their victim. It logically follows then, that the adult-on-child form of domestic violence that Madelyne Gorman Toogood committed may be even more traumatizing to the victim than adult-on-adult domestic violence. Particularly since her victim did not have the physical or mental capacity to fight back and no options for escaping. DV experts believe that children are traumatized just by witnessing their parents domestic abuse.
Would we feel sympathy for an adult male caught on video tape beating a woman after looking around to make sure no one was watching? Do you honestly believe any man in a similar scenario would only get a one-year suspended sentence, with a year of probation and a $500 fine for this crime?
Should we feel sympathy for Madelyne Gorman Toogood because, after being caught in the act, she was reportedly “very remorseful, very upset, very apologetic and ashamed of those actions”? Should we believe that she has never done this to any of her three children before?
Madelyne Gorman Toogood’s lawyer, in saying that there was no trauma, was obviously trying to lay the groundwork for mitigating the consequences of his clients shocking, violent action. In light of the judges recent decision, this seems to have worked.
Famed child abuse expert Alice Miller () believes that all abusers were abused as children. She also believes that this should not excuse abusers for their actions. Abusers, whether they are men or women, when they are identified, should be punished and/or treated or they will pass the violence on, generation after generation.
So there may be an explanation for Toogood’s behavior rooted in her own childhood. According to Alice Miller, she may have been abused as a child too. However, there is no excuse for what she did.
The security video exposed a potential in women that we don’t like to talk about or even think about. That many women, including our mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, and lovers, can be violent and abusive. Department of Justice statistics reveal that the majority of physical abuse to children is committed by women. We may want to explain that fact away by pointing out that women provide most of the child care. However, women’s shelter advocates correctly point out, in reference to domestic abuse by men, that there is no excuse for violence against women. In the same vein then, should be no excuse for violence by women against children... or men.
In her book, , author Patricia Pearson reports, "Women commit the majority of child homicides in the United States; more than 80 percent of neonaticides (infant murders); an equal or greater share of severe physical child abuse; an equal rate of spousal assault; about a quarter of child sexual molestations; and a large proportion of elder abuse... The rate at which infants are murdered by women in the U.S. is higher than the rate at which women are murdered by men."
There is more and more evidence , especially in studies that question men and women, that women are as or nearly as violent as men. Only their methods and the results differ. We hear from women's groups that women can do anything that men can do. It would appear that, via security video, we now have incontrovertible evidence that at least one woman can do violence as well as a man.
I believe that the reason we are so shocked at the Toogood video tape is because we see with our own eyes what otherwise has been hidden by our societies focus on men's violence and our denial of womens violence. We are graphically, undeniably exposed to one woman's rage. It cannot be explained away. If we are to believe the Justice Department statistics she is not the only violent woman.
We need to raise our awareness that the potential for violence exists in women as well men... it is a human potential. This is important because in our current cultural climate, men are blamed in some way for almost all violence even when a man claims to be a victim... "he must have done something to deserve it." This was, in fact, implied in the blame-the-victim (David Harris) defense presented for Clara Harris, the "Mercedes murderer." If only male perpetrators are held fully accountable to the law for their actions, nothing will change in our society.
In an article on domestic violence, relationship experts Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., and Judith Sherven, Ph.D. explain, "Domestic violence is a two way street. As long as women refuse to take responsibility for their participation, they will remain disempowered and completely dependent upon men to change. Is that what women really want?
Domestic violence should not be tolerated. It must be faced and prevented. We must look clearly and fearlessly at the dance women and men create that allows for and sustains that violence. Male bashing and protection of women's innocence only perpetuate the problem.
Sadly, we are a long way from teaching and learning the lesson of co-responsibility, co-accountability, and the mutuality of all long-term relationships, whatever their dynamics. And that is what is needed to prevent domestic violence."
For some forty years women's activist groups have focused almost exclusively on the abuses and violence of men. Shouldn't that same light be shined on the violence and abuses of women?
Women in our society will not be truly free until they own up to their genders potential dark, shadow side. We either have to hold women to the same social, ethical, moral and judicial standard as men or allow men the same latitude that we allow women. Equal rights means equal responsibilities. There may be understandable reasons as to why violence exists, but there is no excuse for violence by either sex.
Jim Bracewell, president, The Men's Resource Network, Inc., a 501 (c)(3), non-profit org.
Visit The Men's Center.com: http://themenscenter.com and
MENSIGHT MAGAZINE http://themenscenter.com/mensight
Copyright 2003 Jim Bracewell, all rights reserved
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