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Born in Laguna Beach, California in 1960, Alison Armstrong has been designing and leading transformational programs for adults for over 20 years. In 1995, after four years of studying men for her personal benefit, she created the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop to share her extraordinary findings with women across the nation. With her friend Joan McClain, a banking executive, she founded PAX Programs Incorporated with the mission of "altering society's culture by transforming the way women relate to men."
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Guest Article... |
Why Men Don't Ask for Directions
by
Alison Armstrong, author of © 2004
Creator of the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshops
A complaint so common it is a frequent subject of jokes and TV comedies is the unwillingness of lost men to ask for directions. Almost every woman has a story about a man who drove around for hours looking for someplace and refused her entreaties to stop and ask. To women, this seems like the ultimate display of male arrogance and stubbornness. But what if it isn’t?
It is important to understand that a man is NEVER “lost.” To him, that implies a helplessness that he will never willingly experience. He simply hasn’t gotten there yet, and he has complete faith in his ability to do so.
Also, a man’s unwillingness to stop and ask for directions is consistent with his survival instincts and actually not stubborn at all. First, the act of stopping the car and rolling down the window makes him (and you) more vulnerable than he is willing to be just to get someplace faster. Second, from a man’s point -of view, the moment he asks a gas station attendant or someone on the street for directions, he has put his life and yours in the hands of a stranger! Men, wisely, only put their lives in the hands of people who have proven themselves trustworthy. The way he sees it, you are both better off searching for your destination yourselves than being at the mercy of someone he doesn’t know and trust.
Why has he never told you this? According to our research this is because, to him, it is obvious. Every man already knows this and something that everyone already knows requires no explanation. It is a mystery to him why you seem to have forgotten this basic rule of survival.
On the other hand, maps are the be-all and end-all of travel. With a map, a man can make a solid decision based on reliable information. And the systems available on many new model cars, with built-in maps and global positioning satellites, are the ultimate tool for navigating
a dangerous world.
If your car doesn’t have one of these fancy new gizmos, your best bet is to stock up on maps at the Auto Club, or buy a Thomas Guide. Keep your supply of maps in your car (or travel bag) and learn how to read them. It is important to suggest a route coming from being a member
of the travel team, instead of righteously proving he is incompetent.
A woman who understands—and even likes—reading maps becomes a highly valued travel partner. To quote men, a woman who happily reads maps “becomes useful in the hunt,” and is “awesome” and “nearly perfect.” Instead of feeling frustrated and ignored while he is trying
to find someplace, if you’re consulting a map, you’ll find a man more than willing to follow your directions.
A side note: there is another unfamiliar landscape in which a man won’t ask for directions but will sure appreciate them—your body. A panel of men at Celebrating Men & Sex was asked, “What do you think about a
woman giving you directions in bed?” One man stated the case for all. He replied, “Directions, maps, diagrams — all useful information is appreciated!”
Alison Armstrong, author of © 2004
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