Be Loved for Who You Really Are : How the Differences Between Men
and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance
You'll Ever Know
by Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski
Be Loved
for Who You Really Are: How the Differences between Men and Women Can
Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know.
By Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D. Los Angeles:
Renaissance Books, 2001. 301 pages.
Today's
premier husband-and-wife team of relationship experts have crafted
their most moving, most richly detailed, and most comprehensive work
to date. "Be Loved For Who You Are" is inspirational and practical,
down-to-earth and idealistic, all at the same time.
Judith &
Jim have just released their third and probably their best
relationship book, following on the richly deserved success of "The
New Intimacy" and "Opening to Love 365 Days A Year." Their new book
lays out four principal stages or passages in the growth of a love
relationship.
In the
first passage, two people become as one, getting a tantalizing,
enlivening, passionate glimpse of what is possible through love.
Inevitably, sooner or later, the "clash of differences" arrives as it
becomes concretely obvious that two different people are present with
different histories, distinct sensibilities, and unique needs. This
stage can seem desperate and indeed is often the breaking point in
budding love connections. Yet, Judith and Jim show it offers much
opportunity for growth, particularly if we can learn to trust our
anger and to use it "like a scalpel, cutting away obstacles to rowth
and deeper intimacy."
In the
third stage, the "magic of differences" emerges and the love
relationship comes into palpable existence as a third participant
along with the two individuals. In order for this to happen, we need
only learn to cultivate fascination with and appreciation of
differences rather than fear of it.
The fourth
and final passage arises wholly from within each person, as he and she
become sources of love, channels through which love is expressed in
the world. Deep intimacy allows the couple to give back to the world
the great wonderful teachings gleaned by each of them during their
travels on the path of love. Each partner has learned to integrate the
other's distinctiveness into the larger experience of being together
so that there is a grace in the oneness of two different lives.
Judith &
Jim provide some fascinating, creative exercises at the end of each
chapter.
Underestimating the authors' masterful books is always a temptation
since they write so smoothly and are so down-to-earth in their
approach. "Be Loved for Who You Really Are" models their message by
itself approaching the topic of love with wonderment and curiosity
rather than pronouncements and stern advice. Other personal growth
authors could learn much from this couple's humble, no-nonsense style.
Judith &
Jim astutely caution the reader to avoid following in the footsteps of
the many couples who, following old ideas, essentially manipulate
their partner into marrying them by presenting a false front. "So, at
the altar, their fear that they are unlovable is an unspoken part of
their vows." They remind us that we must commit to the evolving, ever
wondrous relationship, not to the other person. The relationship is a
grand project which is much bigger than either of its human
co-creators.
The
authors include plenty of stories worth a thousand pictures each from
their own lives and those of their friends and correspondents. As
always, one of the strongest points of their work is their ceaseless,
fearless, relentless cheerleading for love, which will jump out of the
pages of their book to greet you.
"Be Loved
for Who You Really Are"is packed with good humor, good sense, good
ideas, and good stories. And it's delicately suffused throughout with
a delightful layer of spiritual sensibility which informs every
sentence in the book. In a moving closing passage, the authors plead
on behalf of love: "Let me [love] come to you and I will. Sometimes I
will visit you when you least expect it... I may come to you when you
tuck your little one into bed or even when you're taking out the
trash... And I certainly will be there when you are dancing, your
heart radiating life and love. Let me come to you."
Let Judith
& Jim come to you. Pick up their latest book and read it today if not
sooner and tell your next date, your partner or your spouse that their
love stock (and yours) is poised to go through the roof.
©2000 J.
Steven Svoboda
