Selling Cars and Other
Masochistic Acts
by
Dick Prosapio
© 2002
Right next to the threat of a colonoscopy I hate
selling cars. You wouldn't think so to look at my record. I've had
about half a hundred of them since I was a teenager, trading for
fantasy or reality. From Buick's to Toyotas, domestic to foreign.
Passenger, sports, big trucks, light trucks, gas and diesel, I've
owned them all. In every case, while I had them I made them better
than they were when I got them. In every case, I lost money when I
sold them.
I'm just not good at hard ball car sales. I'm
usually in the position of having to sell in order to buy
something else, so there's no such thing as
waiting-for-the-right-buyer to come along. There's a sense of
desperation working inside whenever I'm involved in this stuff so no
matter how cool and easy going I try to be about it I'm either not
flexible enough at the right time and so lose a sure sale, or I'm too
flexible and so lose money.
Then there's the game aspect of it all that I
find insulting. The buyers job is to 1. Mistrust anything I say about
the car. and 2. To disparage the car as much a possible. "This was a
real junker when they made it." Or "Yeah, I've heard these things
didn't hold up very well over the long haul." Etc.
My job is to sell how honest I am and how much time,
money, and effort I have put into making my car absolutely "perfect",
and how it is way beyond what most cars of this year and type
are.
Arrrrrugh!
The fact is, as Elizabeth has said; "Anybody who
buys from us is getting a really good car."
Well, as soon as I intimate that, the buyer is
suspicious. "Why am I selling such a good car?" is the spoken or
unspoken question. In the past few years, now that I'm done with the
fantasies about cars; the Corvettes, MG's, Dodge Diesels, the reason
has been practical, to carry more kids or to get more power so we can
haul water or a travel trailer more easily. We bought our 4Runner when
we upgraded from a little Tercel. We've just sold our T-100, with a
3.4 liter engine, so we could buy a friends Tundra, with a 4.7 liter
engine. Now we have to sell the 4Runner so we can pay for the Tundra
and go back to a little car for quick trips to the store, preferably a
Tercel.
The 4Runner is "old", a '93, and has 153K miles on
it, not a lot for a Toyota for sure. It's "loaded" with goodies, like
a sunroof and Michelin tires, and we upgraded the whole car with
Amsoil synthetics and a bypass filter system which protects the engine
and that makes everything more difficult. Now, on top of trying
to sell the car, I have to sell Amsoil. First!
So, in addition to being suspicious about the car
and the seller, buyers who come to look are suspicious about synthetic
oil too.
What a damnable tap dance this is.
My hopeful fantasy about this process is that the
phone will ring and the conversation will begin the usual way, "Tell
me about the car." And when I say, "First of all it has Amsoil
throughout with a double filtration system set up for the engine." The
response will be, "Wow! Great! Just what I'm looking for."
Actually, that did happen with the T-100. But
maybe the odds of there being another person like that out there are
just too high and I'll wind up losing money on yet another car deal.
Meanwhile the car-ad bills keep mounting. My second hopeful fantasy is
that this will be the last time I'll have to do this drill.
Maybe I'll call the VA and schedule that colonoscopy
I've been avoiding might be a relief.
(Hey! We finally sold it. Time to light
candles and offer prayers of thanks.......and avoid that damned
colonoscopy.)
