Mission In a Man's Life

by
Bill Kauth © 2000
Edited for TMC/MENSIGHT by Jim Bracewell

"The exercise below is from my book A Circle of Men: The Original Manual for Men's Support Groups.  Although it was designed for men's groups, the mission process can be used in a variety of settings.  For example, if you do not belong to a men's group, you could record/playback the guided visualization and do much of the process on your own.  The sharing and feedback could be performed by a trusted family menber(s), friend(s) and/or colleague(s).  I invite you to access your creativity in using this material."

Bill Kauth

A powerful possibility for your group (or yourself) is the inclusion of a rather sophisticated exercise to clarify each man's life "mission." I've observed and guided hundreds of men in their creation of a purpose in life that is bigger than the limits of their "personal" self. We call this realm the transpersonal. I've often shared the joy of men bursting into tears at the moment they make the leap from the separate "ego" self into the grander Self that includes all their fellow humans and the whole world.

The power of creating a transpersonal mission is incalculable. From the metaphysical truth that "thought creates reality," we know that whatever we think about and dwell on will eventually become manifest in our lives. Therefore, knowing what I'm creating makes it possible for me to ask my friends and colleagues, and especially fellow group members, to support my mission and help me focus in choosing stretches and goals in alignment with it.

Let's consider this idea of "mission" by using an archetypal metaphor, drawing on mythology. A mission is a warrior's quest. He carries out the mission of the sacred king (often his "inner king"). A warrior is a man with a focus/task/mission greater than himself. In the Middle Ages the knights took up the quest for the Holy Grail, sometimes barely knowing what it was, but believing in the process. It gave their lives incredible focus and purpose.

Sounds great, but many men would prefer it to be less filling. Today, there are too few warriors, not enough men of mission. But there are lots of soldiers looking for a father figure to guide their lives.

A solution to this problem is men living with a socially conscious mission, a worthwhile purpose in life. I believe that human behavior is intentional and we all are "on purpose," whether we know it or not

The bad news is that most well-intentioned men, and women, do not have a clue as to what their personal life mission or purpose might be. They are living their lives according to unconscious reasons, often imparted to them by their parents, early church training, or media influence. On the evidence of their behavior, many people consider being a good consumer to be an important reason for living. "Shop-till you drop," "Party till you puke," "He who dies with the most toys wins," are funny bumper stickers that people use to tell (albeit unconsciously) the world about their life purpose. They innocently flaunt the favorite addictions that cover their pain and feelings of meaninglessness.

The good news is that a healthy purpose, a conscious life mission, is quite accessible. If you want it, you can create it. The rest of this chapter is about doing that for yourself.

If your group has a "champion" for the cause of adding missions to your group, he likely will become process leader. He may want to use the following preparation and procedures for eliciting men's missions.

To the "mission process" champion: Get the support of the whole group. Make photocopies of this chapter and perhaps the next one. Hand them out and discuss the possibility of adding the clarification of life missions to your group process. Handle any resistance in the most accepting and loving way --- the men are dealing with the essence of what their lives are about. This may take some weeks. When all the members of your group are ready to create their life missions, ask for a commitment of at least one full meeting. Prepare ahead to take the men through the process.

The mission process

1. So where do we start in finding our life mission? There is an old adage that our strength is in our "wound." For most of us growing up in what we now call "dysfunctional families," our wounds happened to us when we were young. Our wound could be anything, from abuse ("spanking" is now recognized as child abuse) to neglect (Dad was never there for his son). If we can access the little boy who lives in us, we can trust that he knows what his wound is and what he needs. Psychologist James Hillman says, "Every man's life mission is rooted in his little boy's deepest need." So let's find what our inner little boy most needs.

Materials: Notebook or 3 x 5 cards and a pen for each man.

Action: It works well to guide your group through an imaginary trip we call a visualization. Begin by inviting them to get into a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down, and to close their eyes. To prevent their falling asleep, suggest that they keep one arm up and resting on the elbow, which will fall and awaken them if they nod off.

Now comes the relaxation part. Use your imagination to create a word picture of a quiet, peaceful scene, perhaps a natural setting such as an island or forest. Continue to invite them to "relax" and "relax a little deeper." You are actually taking them into a light trance, and by now they probably trust you enough to go with you. (Five to ten minutes)

Once they are relaxed, invite them to see a small boy off in the distance, and as he comes closer, suggest that they recognize him as themselves when very young. Slowly, instruct them to reach out to the boy, take him in their arms, and ask him what he needs most. They listen and remember what he says.

Then slowly bring them back up, reversing whatever path you took them on to get them deeply relaxed. Once they are back to full, waking consciousness, instruct them to write down their little boy's deepest need.

2. This step invites men to create a "vision" of a possibility in the world. Say: "Now, again close your eyes, relax (pause), and from what you wrote down as your little boy 's deepest need, imagine if the whole world had that (pause), if everyone on the planet had what your little boy needs, what would it look like (pause), feel like (pause), sound like (pause), be like? See it, feel it (pause). How would the world be different (pause)? That 's your vision. Write it down." Repeat the instruction if necessary. Wait until every man is finished.

3. This step enables men to focus on their own action in making the vision happen. Say: "Now, again close your eyes, relax and see yourself somehow making your vision happen (pause). How are you doing it (pause)? It may be in your current work situation, or some other way (pause). How are you doing it? Write it down; that is your action." Repeat if necessary. Go on until all have written enough.

4. The next step-an important one-is combining the vision and the action. "Now, combine your vision with your action into your mission. Write a mission statement, which is your vision of a possible world and how you are making it happen. Do the best you can, write something, we will be doing some clarifying soon." (Wait until most have completed writing something.)

5. Now we move into discussion. Ask two men, in turn, to present their newly created "mission." Invite the group to give feedback to each man, while he just listens (no dialogue). "Is this a mission, why or why not?" is the basic question the group members should ask themselves in framing their feedback to the man who stated the mission. "Is this a combination of his vision and action?" You may need to repeat this several times. Be patient and let the men do the work. The learning here is in the feedback process, the men are learning by creating it themselves with each other's support, not by being told. (Continue until both are complete.) Thank them.

Note: It may be a slow process at this point. Give the men some reassurance that this may be a very new and complex experience. Encourage them to be patient with themselves in going through it.

6. At this point, give some educational information on vision, action, mission and goals. (See "Mission" page at the end of this chapter, make copies ahead for each man.) Use discussion as necessary. Say: "Now, using this new information, take some time to rewrite your mission if necessary. " (until most have finished writing) "Now write two goals that are supporting your mission." (until most have finished writing)

7. Once again, ask for two men to present his mission and his goals to check accuracy and alignment. Ask for feedback from group. "Is that a mission as we have come to understand it and are his goals in alignment?" (until both have presented)

8. Instruct: "Now rewrite it if necessary into a final mission statement.

My life mission is___

(until most are complete)

9. As a group, rework and clarify each man's mission. Each man presents his mission in its present form. The group may refer to his action and goals in inviting him to hone and refine his mission. The group will sense the man's passion and energy when he gets his right mission. It just feels right. Congratulations!

10. Discuss, and make some decisions about how you are going to continue to support each other's missions. For example: you could make mission statements a regular ongoing part of your group, by including them every meeting during Rounds. They also might bring up some great material for stretches. See the next chapter for ways to take your missions out into the world. Enjoy.

"MISSION"