Women Have a Choice -- Men Should
Too
By Jeffery M. Leving and Glenn Sacks
© 2006
A 25-year-old computer programmer has done what has
long been thought impossible--he has united the pro-choice feminist
left and the pro-life right. Matt Dubay of Saginaw, Michigan is the
plaintiff in a new lawsuit in which he seeks to wipe out the child
support payments he is obligated to make to an ex-girlfriend. He
says he had made it clear to her that he didn’t want to be a father
at this time, and that she got pregnant after she had repeatedly
assured him that a physical condition rendered her sterile.
National Organization for Women president Kim
Gandy, conservative TV host Bill O’Reilly and numerous
commentators from all sides have criticized Dubay’s “Roe v. Wade
for Men” lawsuit. Yet when commentators make the arguments against
choice for men--“if a man doesn’t want to father a child he should
have used birth control,” "men need to take responsibility whether
they wanted to have the child or not”--one can often detect a little
confusion in their eyes, as if a part of them is whispering “uh,
wait a minute, but couldn’t you say the same thing about women?”
One and a half
million American women legally walk away from motherhood every year
by adoption, abortion or abandonment, yet somehow nobody labels them
“deadbeats” or “deserters.” In over 40 states a mother can return
the baby to the hospital within a few weeks of birth--completely
opting out of motherhood with less hassle than it takes to return a
DVD to Best Buy. Yet if the mother decides she wants to keep the
child, she can demand 18 (or in some states 21 or 23) years of child
support from the father, and he has no choice in the matter.
Feminists have long
based their support for Roe v. Wade around the slogan "My
Body, My Choice." Women’s rights legal advocate Jennifer Brown
denounced Dubay’s suit, explaining that “Roe is based on an extreme
intrusion by the government…There's nothing equivalent for men.”
However, 100,000 men
each year are jailed for alleged non-payment of child support, and
federal Office of Child Support Enforcement data reveal that 70% of
those behind on payments earn poverty level wages. When states force
a man to be financially responsible for a child he never wanted, and
jail him if he comes up short, isn’t that a terrible state intrusion
too? Don't the sacrifices required to pay tens or hundreds of
thousands of dollars in child support over two decades take a heavy
toll on a man, too?
Research shows that
many men are unwillingly drafted into fatherhood, just as Dubay
claims he was. The National Scruples and Lies Survey 2004 conducted
in the United Kingdom found that 42% of the women in the survey said
they would lie about contraception in order to get pregnant,
regardless of the wishes of their partners. According to research
conducted by Joyce Abma of the National Center for Health Statistics
and Linda Piccinino of Cornell University, over a million American
births each year result from pregnancies which men did not intend.
Under choice for
men, unmarried fathers would have a one-time right to relinquish
their parental rights and responsibilities within a month of
learning of a pregnancy, just as mothers do when they choose to give
their children up for adoption. Women would still be free to
exercise all of the reproductive choices they now have.
Gandy, O’Reilly,
Brown and others claim that the current system is necessary because
it protects children. In reality, over time choice for men would
greatly benefit American children--if women knew that they could not
compel unmarried men to pay to support children they did not agree
to have, the number of unwed births (and the huge social problems
associated with them) would be reduced. Choice for men means better
parenting because more men will be able to become fathers when
they’re married, willing, and stable--a huge benefit for children.
Women’s advocates
correctly note that pregnant women often have legitimate reasons for
not wanting to be mothers, including youth, finances and the lack of
a suitable relationship or marriage. Yet all of these apply equally
to men. Women have a choice--men should, too.
This article first appeared in the
Saginaw News (4/2/06).
Jeffery M. Leving is one of
America's most prominent family law attorneys. He is the author of
the book Fathers' Rights:
Hard-hitting and Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody
Dispute. His website is
www.dadsrights.com.
Glenn Sacks'
columns on men's and fathers' issues have appeared in dozens of
America's largest newspapers. Glenn can be reached via his website
at
www.GlennSacks.com or via email at
Glenn@GlennSacks.com.
Copyright 2006 Glenn
Sacks, all rights reserved
