Are Boys Really Better off Without Fathers?
By Glenn Sacks
© 2005
Peggy Drexler’s new book Raising Boys Without Men:
How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional
Men contends that father-absent homes—particularly “single
mother by choice” and lesbian homes—are the best environments for
boys. Drexler recently told Good Morning America that boys do just
fine without dads, and her “maverick moms” always seem to have a
better way of handling their sons than dad would. While Raising Boys
may seem like a harmless, feel-good affirmation for these mothers,
it could have a damaging impact on children by affecting both the
choices women make and family law.
Drexler contends that sons from fatherless families “grow up
emotionally stronger,” “have a wider range of interests and
friendships,” and “appear more at ease in situations of conflict”
than boys from “traditional” (i.e., father-present) households. Her
research, however, is flawed.
For one, the families she studied were those who volunteered to have
their lives intimately examined over a multi-year period--a
self-selected sample not representative of the average fatherless
family. Also, Drexler's research suffers from confirmatory bias.
Drexler is a passionate advocate for single and lesbian mothers. She
personally conducted interviews of several dozen single and lesbian
mothers and their sons in order to examine their family lives and—no
surprise—found them to her liking. But while Raising Boys praises
father-absent households for instilling in boys many intangible,
difficult-to-measure qualities, objective measures of child
well-being belie Drexler’s rose-colored image of fatherless
families.
The rates of the four major youth pathologies—juvenile crime, teen
pregnancy, teen drug abuse, and school dropouts--are tightly
correlated with fatherlessness, often more so than with any other
socioeconomic factor. While Drexler waxes poetic about fatherless
parenting, she makes little attempt to explain why it results in bad
outcomes for so many kids.
Counterposed to the fathers she says boys don’t need, Drexler holds
up a wide collection of males—“grandfathers, godfathers, uncles,
family friends, coaches”--who, she assures us, can “provide figures
for horsing around, mentoring,” etc. for the boys of female-headed
households. She enthuses that these boys enjoy “more male figures in
their lives than boys from traditional families.” But more does not
mean better, and a group of men with little stake in a boy’s life
are a poor substitute for a father’s love and devotion to his
children. Certainly many fatherless boys grow up to become fine men,
but the best way for a boy to learn how to become a good husband and
father is to watch his father do it. And it is telling that the
first benefit Drexler cites that male figures can provide for boys
is someone for “horsing around.”
Raising Boys does provide encouragement for mothers whose
ex-husbands or lovers abandoned or mistreated them, and who
soldiered on in the raising of their children without the father
those children should have had. Drexler's call for respect for
lesbian parents is commendable. And of course there are many single
and lesbian mothers who can and do effectively raise boys, just as
there are many "traditional" couples who can't. But children raised
by a mother and a father fare much better, on average, than children
raised by single mothers. As comedian Chris Rock famously noted,
yes, certainly women can raise children without men, but that
doesn't make it a good idea. Drexler encourages women to choose to
have fatherless children, a choice which is clearly not in
children's best interests.
Raising Boys also has serious implications for family law. The most
damaging part of divorce for children is the way some custodial
parents—usually the mother—cut the noncustodial parent out of their
children’s lives. While this is at times done out of legitimate
concern for the children’s well-being, too often it is brought about
by anger or shortsightedness. Visitation is often interfered with,
kept to a minimum, or denied altogether, and some divorcing mothers
relocate not out of necessity but instead to remove fathers from
their children’s lives.
As evidenced by last year's California Supreme Court ruling in the
LaMusga relocation case, family law is moving towards a greater
respect for and protection of the loving bonds children of divorce
share with their fathers. Drexler cites Raising Boys’ potential
impact on child custody cases, and her flawed research could become
the underpinnings of a new trend towards pushing fathers away from
their children. That’s the last thing our boys (or girls) need.
Glenn Sacks is a men's and fathers' issues columnist and a
nationally-syndicated radio talk show host. His columns have
appeared in dozens of America's largest newspapers.
Glenn can be reached via his website at
www.GlennSacks.com or via
email at Glenn@GlennSacks.com.
Copyright 2005 Glenn
Sacks, all rights reserved
