Men's Career Issues.
by
Marty Nemko
© 2004
Most career
issues apply to both sexes, but a few are gender-specific. In honor
of Father’s Day, here are my thoughts on some men’s career issues.
Consider non-traditional
careers.
Some traditionally female
careers are, for the right guy, unusually rewarding: nurse,
librarian, teacher, editor, graphic designer, for example. And in
the case of nursing, the job market is good and salaries high. A
real man chooses a career that seems right for him without worrying
that it’s not a “manly” career.
Used wisely, male
aggressiveness is a strength.
Do not listen to those who say
aggressiveness is a bad characteristic, to be repressed into an
embracing of passivity and teamwork. Use your aggressiveness as a
wise warrior would use a weapon: its power can be used to great
benefit to yourself, your employer, and the world, but it must be
used judiciously, sometimes even surreptitiously.
Do not confuse aggressiveness
with anger.
Angry men are usually
unsuccessful in the workplace and may place their health at risk. If
you find yourself angry at someone, try to replace the fury with
empathy that that flawed person is probably doing the best he or she
can. Be grateful that you have greater abilities.
If you are angry at your life’s
situation, please remember that if you are living in the Bay Area
and do not live with chronic pain or late-stage terminal illness,
your quality of life is probably better than 95+% of people on the
planet. Fortune has smiled upon you. Go through life with a spirit
of gratitude.
Do not uncritically accept
that you should be the primary breadwinner.
Each couple must discuss this
openly and fully. In being the primary breadwinner, are you forced
to take a job that makes you unhappy or overly stressed? Would you
be much happier in a lower paying job? Would it be fair for your
wife to take on more of the financial responsibility even if she’s
not at home as much with the kids? (The evidence does not suggest
that stay-at-home moms’ kids do better.) Should you do more of
housework? The parenting? Fortunately, there are no rules—there is
no more “men’s work” or “women’s work.” Each couple should craft for
themselves the division of labor that best accommodates both
spouses’ strengths and preferences.
Consciously decide how you
want to react to reverse discrimination.
No employer will admit it
publicly, but in many, although certainly not all workplaces, women
receive favoritism in hiring and promotion over men who are more
qualified and willing to work longer hours.
You could try a lawsuit, but
that very chancy and exhausting. Or you could make a career of
changing conventional wisdom that reverse discrimination is a net
good.
If you don’t want to pursue
either of those options, get over it. Reverse discrimination is a
fact of life today. It’s bad enough that you may be treated
unfairly. There’s no need to let it destroy your peace of mind. That
reminds me of the story of Massoud and Tarik on camels in the middle
of the desert. Suddenly a marauder gallops up, robs them of their
money and rides away. Massoud is distraught while Tarik remains
calm. Massoud sputters, “How can you stay calm?” Salim replied, “He
robbed me of my money. I won’t let him also steal my peace of mind.”
Forestall aging.
Men die six years younger than
women, and it seems that more men than women in their mid- to late
50s show a significant decline in physical and mental capability.
Some of the cause is probably physiological—the current theory is
that estrogen protects.
But you do have some control.
Because men are at-risk of earlier decline, it’s especially
important that men do what they can to forestall aging and disease.
I’m not telling you anything new here, but perhaps this is a wakeup
call to get serious about controlling your weight, not smoking,
drinking no more than moderately, and doing regular moderate
exercise. Scientists are finding that your mother, in the end may
have been right: Walking may be the best exercise.
I’d also recommend thinking
twice about any extreme diet, including Atkins. Like most fads that
preceded Atkins, anything extreme too often ends up having unwanted
side effects. And even in terms of just weight loss, a recent study
found that although for the first six months, Atkins dieters lose
more than other dieters, after a year, they’re equal. See your
doctor before beginning any diet, but you may be on the safest
ground by following the just-released FDA guidelines that rejects
Atkins and calls for a well-balanced diet: not too many carbs, not
too few. Focus on whole-grain rather than refined-grain carbs. Keep
your calories down by avoiding high-fat foods. The FDA, perhaps
surprisingly, also says a glass of wine a night is okay.
Advice I’d Give My Child
Today, men are often portrayed
as lesser than women. School textbooks, college professors, sitcoms,
movies, even newspaper and magazine features tend to portray women
as the good guys and men as testosterone-poisoned boors, crooks, and
abusers.
The fact is that most men are
hard working, goal-oriented, and straight-shooting. The world needs
both men and women. Don’t forget it.
Copyright 2004 Marty
Nemko, all rights reserved
