The Ecology of Sex: Men, Women, and Survival in the 21st Century
By Jed Diamond©
2007
It’s
clear, to anyone who has the courage to see, that if humans are to
survive the 21st century we have to change our relationship to the
natural world. Global Warming, Peak Oil, Expanding Populations, and
Economic Upheaval, remind us that we are out of balance with nature.
A new book by author Michael Gilbert, The Disposable Male: Sex,
Love, and Money—Your World Through Darwin’s Eyes, reminds us that
our disconnection from the natural world reflects itself in
dislocation between males and females. If we are going to survive we
need to reconnect with the roots of what it truly means to be a man
and a woman.
Gilbert begins his book with a clear description of the stresses
facing men and women in today’s disconnected world:
"THE EVERYDAY MALE IS IN TROUBLE.
It seems that manhood no longer requires preparation. Boys
stumble without a map onto the pathways to masculinity, forced
to learn by their own devices the essential traits and qualities
of authentic manliness.
"Without a clear sense of purpose,
young men are hardly motivated or encouraged to support their
partner and family, much less serve their community. Men’s
ancient and defining roles as resource provider and defender
have been down-sized and outsourced. Declared obsolete and cast
adrift, the modern hunter is searching for a new job
description.
"Meanwhile, women have been
propelled into unfamiliar territory, encouraged or forced to
support themselves and build careers in today’s long stretch
between puberty, marriage, and beyond. The contemporary woman
has become a hunter as well as a gatherer.
"Barely one in three American
women held a paying job in 1950; almost three-quarters do now.
And there’s not much relief when a husband and children are
added to the equation: two-thirds of women with children under
six now hold down a job compared to less than 20 percent half a
century ago. For many of these sleep-deprived women, forced to
assume the triple role of wife, mother, and employee, ‘you can
have it all’ has turned into a cruel joke. ‘You have to do it
all’ is the not-so-funny punch line."
As a
psychotherapist who has specialized in working with men and the
women who love them for the last 42 years, I have seen a disturbing
trend emerging. As the world literally heats up and stress levels go
through the roof, men and women are becoming increasingly estranged
from each other.
Men increasingly are losing the ability to make a decent living and
support a wife and family. Women, afraid that they will be left
without a mate, become more and more self-sufficient and
independent. Men, seeing women and children pull away from them,
become irritable and angry. They feel unneeded and unappreciated and
begin to find solace and support outside the relationship.
A vicious cycle ensues as women, afraid that men won’t want to
support them, become even more self-contained. Men, seeing that
women don’t need them as much, feel less committed to their
families.
Divorce runs rampant. More women have children without the
involvement of fathers. More fathers feel that they are only wanted
for the money they provide and refuse to support women who don’t
appear to want or need them. Children suffer immensely and grow up
with the mistaken belief that a paired down version of family life
is workable.
Throughout most of human history we understood that it takes a
village to raise a child properly. In modern times we’ve tried to do
it with Mom, Dad, and a few close relatives; then with only Mom and
Dad; more recently with just Mom; and increasingly now kids are left
to raise themselves under the supervision of poorly paid
"care-givers" who have no emotional bonds with the child. Children
correctly feel that they have been abandoned and grow up repeating
the patterns in their adult lives. It’s no wonder that the levels of
depression and suicide continue to rise dramatically.
For thousands of years males and females complemented each other.
"Man the hunter" and "Woman the gatherer" was never literally true.
Many women hunted and many men gathered. However, it represented a
stable reality in human culture. Males and females had different,
but complementary roles to fill. They came together to be helpmates
to each other and to provide a nurturing nexus for birthing and
raising children.
For most of human history we lived in balance with nature, in what
David C. Korten and others call "Earth Community." About ten
thousand years ago, humans took a wrong turn. Rather than living as
part of nature, we began to dominate nature. We came to believe that
natural resources could be extracted for the benefit of a ruling
elite. We shifted from "Earth Community" to "Empire." What we did to
nature we began to do to our human relationships.
Increasingly, certain elite males gained power over others and the
male/female balance and partnership began to be replaced with
hierarchy and domination. As humans became more disconnected from
the natural world, males and females become more disconnected from
each other. Instead of complementary partners, each with their own
natural talents, we become independent contractors out to secure our
own livelihoods.
It may be that in order to save the world, we need to save our
relationships. It may be that re-partnering with the earth will
require that we learn to re-partner our love lives. If you want to
understand how we might accomplish this task, Michael Gilbert has a
great deal to teach us.
For more information, please visit
www.menalive.com
or
www.writtenvoices.com.
Jed Diamond is the author of seven books, including the best seller
Male Menopause (Sourcebooks, 1997), which has now been translated
into 16 foreign languages. His forthcoming book is entitled "The
Irritable Male Syndrome" (Rodale, 2004). He has lent his expertise
to such programs as "The View" with Barbara Walters and "Good
Morning America" with Charles Gibson. See his Web site at menalive.com for more valuable information on living long and well.
The best way to reach Jed is by e-mail:
Jed@menalive.com.
He also has an online newsletter and information through his web site:
http://www.menalive.com.
