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Book-of-the-Month...
APRIL 2007 |
Hold
on to Your NUTs:
The Relationship Manual for Men
by
Wayne Levine, M.A.
 Being
a man is a full-time job, especially when you're
married or in a relationship. Hold on to Your
N.U.T.s can help build a life that fulfills both
you and your partner by showing you how to
confirm the ideas and causes you support--your
Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms. The N.U.T.s
become the framework for how you conduct your
relationships, whether you're committed to
spending more one-on-one time with your kids or
not hiding out at the office to avoid problems
with your wife. By laying down guidelines of
what's right and wrong, what you like and
dislike, you will learn to silence the little
boy inside and become a strong, self-assured man
who is focused on creating the best life
possible for you and your companion. Publisher
Wayne M. Levine, M.A., is the
director of the West Coast Men's Center in
Agoura Hills, CA, founder of Mentor4Men.com, and
creator of the BetterMen Retreats. To learn
more, visit
www.BetterMen.org.
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Columns, Articles and Men's Issues News... |
MEN'S NEWS TICKER © 2000 - Disable pop-up blocker
and click on headline for story details
BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH
EXCERPT...
by Wayne Levine, M.A.
Holding On to Your N.U.T.s...
What Are N.U.T.s?
N.U.T.s are your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms. N.U.T.s are
the things you’re committed to, the things that matter more than
anything else: your kids, your work, yourself, your purpose,
your spiritual practice, your hobbies, your integrity, your
morals and your psychological well-being.
N.U.T.s are the boundaries that define you as man, those things
which, if repeatedly compromised, will gradually—but
assuredly—turn you into a pissed-off, resentful man who will
likely blame others—especially your wife—for your unhappiness.
Your N.U.T.s are uniquely yours. They reflect who you are as a
man and the man you want to be. Compromise your N.U.T.s, and
you’ll compromise yourself. Compromise yourself too often, and
you’ll become an extremely unhappy man, husband and father.
Full
Excerpt
GUEST
ARTICLE...
by Glenn Sacks and
Jeffery M. Leving
Anna Nicole's
child fight holds valuable lesson about father's rights
Behind the Anna Nicole Smith circus lies an
important truth about fathers' rights. The long line of
opportunistic men who have lined up to be Smith's baby's dad since
Smith's death has diverted attention from the case's key fact:
photographer Larry Birkhead, Smith's ex-boyfriend, has a legitimate
claim to paternity. He has been thwarted for several months by the
same legal maneuvers which are often employed to separate fathers
from their children.
Long before Smith died and her estate became an
issue, Birkhead had filed for a DNA test to determine the paternity
of Smith's baby. In December, he told the Associated Press, "I am
the father of Dannielynn and I think this is ... a crime. I expect
to be reunited with my daughter."
Birkhead say he and Smith had picked out baby
names, shopped for items for the baby, and had put their thumb
prints in a baby book as the child's parents. Nevertheless, the baby
has lived at the home of Smith and her attorney/boyfriend Howard K.
Stern in the Bahamas since birth.
Rather than allow the DNA test, Smith and Stern
apparently decided to use a common ploy in paternity cases -- they
stalled. If the DNA test is delayed long enough, by the time
biological paternity is established the judge deciding custody will
likely decide that Stern is the baby's "psychological parent."
Go to
Article
MEN'S WORKLIFE...
by
Marty Nemko
How I'm
Overcoming Fear of Death
When I
was 12, I recall thinking, “The average life expectancy is 70.
That means I only have 58 years left.” That terrified me.
It continued to plague me through
the decades despite three therapists (including a specialist in
fear of death), books on fear of death, and—even though I’m an
atheist—various religions’ approaches to coping with death.
In the last two months, however,
I have reduced my fear more than in the previous 45 years. What
has helped is a one-two punch: reassure and distract:
Go to Article
COYOTE...
monthly column by Dick Prosapio
About Risk Taking...
The dog
is breathing heavily in the corner, the coolest part of the
living room for him, since he's still heavily coated this time
of year. We just went through another "episode" with him and I
thought he might be a goner. A couple of months ago it was
pancreatitis, his eyes got dull, he refused food and became more
and more lethargic. But with the right diet, pills, and $180 to
the vet, he pulled through that one. A couple of days ago he
came limping up to the porch, dragging his right back leg. It
was swollen and cut and the first thing we feared was snakebite.
Usually with a snake bite the swelling comes on quickly and
spreads fast, this seemed localized and it's early for snakes,
but still, we had to rule it out. Back to the vet, more pills,
another $180 and the determination that he had been bitten all
right, but it was probably another dog. We suspect one of the
two raggedy ass pit bulls that live down the road and try to own
it now and then.
He's getting better fast, but
seems to need close ties to us these days. I don't know what
that's about since he's always been a dog's dog till now. When
his "brother" Wuf died two years ago he went into shock and
depression which he has only recently fully emerged from. But he
was never close to people the way Wuf was. Things are changing
in him these days and he likes to be wherever we are. Which
means we are stuck with heavy breathing. And bad breath. The
price of relationship with a dog.
I did an inventory of my
relationship life, with female humans, today for Elizabeth. I
don't know why it came up, I think the topic was "risk taking".
I was relating that I've always been the kind of person who
jumped into things without really planning much and to
illustrate I told the story of deciding to take off cross
country through the desert one early evening decades ago. We, my
then wife Helen, and our two girls, about 9 and 4, were having a
little outing in the desert east of El Paso. We were out in our
new four-wheel drive Scout and I was probably having a few
canteen cups of wine. It was getting close to sunset so we
packed up and I said, "Let's just take off straight west and see
what this four wheel drive can do." I had set it up specifically
to get through the dune country we were in, so I had some
confidence that it would go where I wanted it to go.
Go to Article
GUEST
ARTICLE...
by Jed Diamond
Are You Feeling
Stressed? Fix It With Food
Although
we sing songs this time of year about peace on earth and good
will toward men, we often feel stressed. From Halloween until
New Year we are rushing to get things done. In nature, this is a
time when everything slows down. Animals find cozy places to
hibernate or burrow. Leaves fall and growing things get ready
for a winter’s slumber. While the rest of nature quiets down,
humans speed up. It’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed. Many people
deal with stress by taking pills or drinking alcoholic
beverages. I suggest you can fix it with food. Here’s how.
If
you’re like me, I often eat when I’m stressed. My thoughts turn to
“comfort” foods, most of which were introduced into my life when I
was a kid in need of comfort. When I felt down when I was six I ate
a whole tray of cinnamon rolls. At thirteen I craved ice cream. We
had an ice cream parlor near our house (isn’t that a lovely sounding
phrase? Remember when there were ice cream parlors?). I loved
hot-fudge Sundays and strawberry delights. If I was really down I’d
order “the special” which consisted of 10 scoops in my choice of
flavors, four toppings, nuts, and as many cherries as they could fit
on top. As I got older I became more sophisticated in my tastes for
comfort.
But
that’s not the kind of fix it food I’m talking about. I’m thinking
more about Hippocrates way of fixing things when he said “Let your
food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.” In a recent
article in Men’s Health magazine, Phillip Rhodes suggests some
alternative comfort food.
Go to Article
THE NEW
INTIMACY... monthly column by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James
Sniechowski, Ph.D.
Family, Friends and Even Mentors:
Are They On Your Side
"Keep away from people who
try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that,
but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become
great." ~ Mark Twain
The problem is Twain didn't say how
to identify those people who "belittle your ambitions". . .
OR how to stay away from those people
without being rude or creating emotional earthquakes in your
business, with your family or with "friends."
So, we'll prepare you to take a close
look at how you can spot those people who don't truly have your best
interests at heart.
Now, you might think this would be
easy.
BUT that ignores the pervasive and
commonplace abusive behavior that's endorsed in our culture.
If you doubt this, take a look at
what parades around on the media:
Go to Article
JEFF'S LIFE... monthly
column by Jeff Stimpson
Nine and Counting...
This
is my ninth wedding anniversary. "I have nothing for you," says
Jill. "No card. No present. Nothing. And you know why."
"Why" is Alex and Ned, both floored for a week
with a relentless fever and stomach bug. This week, the cool,
very married palms of Jill and Jeff have felt their children's
foreheads and scooped up load after load of soiled bedclothes.
Our shirts and arms have been drenched in spurts of
every-parent-knows-what. This morning, exhausted, I broke Jill's
coffee cup. Still, I think there still worse ways of having your
anniversary obliterated than caring for your two sick sons.
We'll go out to dinner next week, Jill says, and exchange gifts
then.
As I've escaped to work every day this week,
I've been able to shop. At least today. Opera tickets are on the
way. I also got Jill a transit card holder and a red
metal-covered notebook from the Metropolitan Museum of Art shop,
along with one postcard of a lady in an evening dress and
another of girls in tutus. Before I give her the tickets, I'm
going to write on the back of the lady's postcard, "Better dress
up!" On the back of the tutu postcard I'm going to write,
"Ballet. Opera. What's the difference?" Don't you think that's
adorable?
Go to Article
DADS, DON'T FIX YOUR KIDS...
monthly column by
Mark Brandenburg,
M.A
Do You Let Your
Children Help?...
The
next time you consider whether you should have your kids doing
chores around the house, consider this article. Hope you enjoy
it:
You have a chore to do around the house, and your kids want to
help out. You know it might be nice for them to help, but you're
feeling a bit impatient. And you know it might turn into a two
hour project, with a big mess to clean up. A mess that could be
avoided if you did it yourself.
We've all been there, haven't we?
Go to Article
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Men's Book Reviews by J. Steven Svoboda |
LATEST
REVIEWS
REVIEW:
See Jane
Hit: Why Girls are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About
it
By James Garbarino, Ph.D. ©2006
Seven
years after writing “Lost
Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them,”
James Garbarino, Ph.D., professor of humanistic psychology at
Loyola University Chicago, has published what could roughly
speaking be described as a companion volume, “See Jane Hit: Why
Girls are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About It.”
Garbarino writes well, and his book addresses a topic that has
drawn significant interest in recent years, having been
addressed in at least four other recent volumes. “See Jane Hit”
is interesting reading for gender activists, since Garbarino
writes from a more mainstream perspective that uncritically
accepts some anti-male falsehoods, yet at the same time is a
generally thoughtful and fair-minded commentator.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Straight Talk for Men about Marriage:
What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know
About Men)
By Martin G. Friedman ©2006
The author has put together an appealingly presented, male-friendly
guide to improving the quality of our marriages. As Friedman is the
first to point out, this isn’t exactly rocket science. We need to
learn to do the basics. A marriage is a path to learning about
ourselves. Projecting our discontent onto our spouse doesn’t do
either of us any favors.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Self-Made Man:
One Woman’s Journey into Manhood and Back Again
By Norah Vincent
Norah Vincent has produced a new
book whose simple underlying concept nevertheless seems to possess
all the potential power of, say, John Howard Griffin’s classic Black Like Me, in which the Caucasian author masqueraded as a
black man and was astonished at the depths of the discrimination and
barriers he discovered. Author Vincent tries to do the same thing
for gender, dressing in drag as “Ned” and entering various supposed
male bastions to report on what she discovers.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
The Smart Couple’s Guide to the
Wedding of Your Dreams:
Planning Together for Less Stress and More Joy
By
By Judith
Sherven and James Sniechowski
Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski, husband-and-wife psychologists
and authors of three books previously reviewed by me in these pages
(The New Intimacy, Opening to Love 365 Days a Year, and Be
Loved for Who You Really Are) have just published a new book on
their favorite topic, love and marriage. In a literal sense, The
Smart Couple’s Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams covers a
narrower subject than any of their three previous books. But
actually, predictably enough given the authors’ excellent writing
skills and tireless, creative devotion to promoting passion, their
latest offering manages to transcend the limits of the genre of
wedding guides. Not seeing a book that went beyond the
technicalities of wedding planning and touched the spirit of the
event, they took the plunge and wrote it!
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Partnering: A
New Kind of Relationship
By Hal Stone and Sidra Stone
© 2006
Hal and Sidra Stone are, like Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski
(whose latest book is reviewed elsewhere in this issue) a
husband-and-wife psychologist team who have written a number of
books and who travel the world giving workshops on their techniques
for improving one’s life and relationships. Partnering does
not represent a stunning advance on the authors’ previous work but
it does expand, in the specific context of relationships, on the
work they have helped pioneer in exploring the multiple selves each
of us contains through the voice dialogue technique.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
The Prodigal Father: A True Story of Tragedy, Survival, and
Reconciliation in an American Family.
By Jon DuPre.
Jon DuPre’s achievement with “The Prodigal Father” is stupefying.
What this correspondent for Fox Network News has done is so simple:
He has told the story of his family of origin, consisting of two
brothers, himself, and his mother and father. As a novel, the book
would fail. For one thing, the plot would be utterly unbelievable!
But “The Prodigal Father” is billed as an “autobiography,” and
written with loving detail and self-revelation so honest and so deep
that took my breath away. As such, it is utterly compelling and
simultaneously completely credible.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Gendercide and Genocide
Edited by Adam Jones
© 2006
Apart from the rarest exceptions (such as the not-to-be-missed “Female
‘Circumcision’ in Africa: Culture, Controversy, and Change,” Edited
by Bettina Shell-Duncan and Ylva Hernlund), edited volumes tend to
be hit-and-miss affairs. It’s hard enough simply to find an
appropriate topic, to accumulate contributions that are varied
enough to provide interest but not so different that they work at
cross-purposes, and to publish the work. Maintaining a razor-like
focus as can easily be done with an individually authored book by
definition becomes almost impossible with an edited volume.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
Archive of All Reviews & Interviews...
by J. Steven Svoboda.
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Guest Books |
MILITARY
HONOR ROLL... Pay tribute to the
Veterans or Active Duty military in your life on our perpetual
Military Honor Roll page
Go to
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HONOR ROLL... Pay tribute to your
father (grandfather, great grandfather, etc.) on our perpetual
Fathers Honor Roll page
Go to
Fathers Honor Roll
VISIT
MENSIGHT Magazine
is another free service of The Men's Resource Network, Inc. (MRN).
It has grown out of the response that we have received from articles
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TheMensCenter.com (TMC), our official
web-site. The first issue went on-line on May 1, 2000. (Archive)
MENSIGHT
is dedicated to publishing diverse articles for and about men.
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the advocates of all the various men's issues.
MENSIGHT
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