SOCIALIZATION AND IT'S
IMPACT ON MALE SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE
By: Jim
Struve, L.C.S.W.
Many people ask the question: "Does sexual abuse affect
males differently than females?" Research and clinical experience indicates that the
actual trauma experience that accompanies sexual abuse is predominantly the same for males
as for females. Therefore, much of the existing literature about the dynamics of trauma
for female sexual abuse survivors is applicable to males.
One of the primary factors that
distinguishes male from female survivors, however, is the different
ways people (including the male survivor himself) respond to male
victimization as compared to female victimization. In other words,
how males cope with their experience of sexual abuse as well as how
the larger society responds to the abuse of males is significantly
different than when the victim is female.
Much of this difference in
response patterns reflects the contrasting ways in which our culture
views gender divisions. The cultural norms of masculinity create
quite a different context within which to deal with sexual abuse
than is the case with the norms of femininity. Although there
remains much debate about whether gender roles are inherently
biological or are the result of socialization, I believe that gender
is largely influenced by social learning. Therefore, the material in
this presentation reflects this bias.
As a result of traditional gender
socialization, we have become conditioned to view females as being
at greater risk for victimization in general. Unfortunately, we seem
comfortable with paradigms that view females as being at high risk
for assault, abuse, and/or discrimination. We are less familiar --
and probably less comfortable -- incorporating into our worldview
the reality that males are also potential victims, such as in the
case of sexual abuse.
However, it is true that males are
sexually abused, too. We must move beyond our collective stance of
denial and minimization in order to address the true magnitude of
this problem. This requires that we examine the relationship of how
gender socialization impacts our efforts to respond to the sexual
abuse of males.
A number of feminist writers
(Lerner, 1986; Bleier, 1984; Figes, 1986) advocate that the ritual
of dividing males and females into two distinct categories is a
supremely political deed: an artificial system of norms designed to
protect patriarchy. It is helpful to identify the ways in which
expectations for masculinity and femininity differ within the
context of our current- day patriarchal culture. Let's begin by
looking at what it means to be male or female within most
contemporary western patriarchal cultures such as the United States.
There are certain traits that are characteristically attributed to
"masculine" and "feminine." The following list compares the norms
stereotypically assigned to these gender divisions:
COMMON GENDER TRAITS
ASSIGNED WITHIN WESTERN
PATRIARCHAL CULTURES
The cumulative effect of these
norms is to socialize boy children to become masculine adult men and
girl children to become feminine adult women. It is as though we are
given a set of clothing to wear as we grow up and the expectation is
for us to both accept and be comfortable with our assigned "costume"
of masculine or feminine.
Unfortunately, within our culture
there exists an underlying premise for boys and men that it is O.K.
for males to act on feelings but dangerous to express feelings:
males should have the capacity to "rise above" feelings & "move
beyond" adversities. This is a particularly important factor that
influences how a male will respond if he encounters a traumatic
experience such as sexual victimization. In fact, this cultural
expectation actually creates a kind of global "double bind" in which
the concept of "male" and "victimization" exist as oxymorons. Within
such an environment, it is extremely difficult for males to step
forward and seek to address very personal issues related to
experiences of sexual victimization.
Furthermore, the norms of the
dominant culture are also much more permissive in sanctioning male
use of force & violence. For example, the attitude of many males who
subscribe to traditional values regarding gender distinctions
reflect a sense of permissiveness that they are willing to engage in
some forms of rape behavior if only they can be assured they will
not be caught & punished. Ironically, this fosters an attitude that
holds the victim accountable for her or his own victimization.
Within this kind of cultural context, many males are inclined to
accept responsibility for their own abuse. At a minimum, most men
believe they should have been capable of preventing their
victimization and they are inclined to interpret any failure to stop
their abuse as implying complicity. This attitude frequently
persists for males no matter how young they were when their abuse
occurred.
When males do seek treatment to
resolve the wounds from their abuse, a considerable amount of time
and energy will no doubt be focused on unraveling the impact of the
socialization process. Defining the typical messages that males
receive during their socialization experiences may help to clarify
some of the issues that may arise for a male survivor as he engages
in the process of his treatment and recovery.
Following is an elaboration of the
significant socialization messages that men receive as they are
socialized to be traditional masculine males within our culture.
Each message is followed by a brief summary of the "typical" male
response to this messages as it may emerge during the process of
therapy.
Males are aggressive by
birth.
Many
males may be susceptibility to volatile/unpredictable behaviors when
the armor protecting feelings begins to crack. Some males may
respond to feelings of vulnerability by exhibiting increased
aggression.
Males are strong/tough in the
face of adversity.
Perceived vulnerability pushes many males into isolation, as a
strategy for self- protection. Therefore, some men will gravitate
toward isolation to maintain an image of control. Some males are
inclined to "compartmentalize" their feelings or to gravitate
towards intellectualizing emotional responses, in order to give the
appearance of being in control. However, this kind of behavior
frequently reflects an underlying desire to regain control of what
seems like an out-of-control experience.
Males who express
feelings openly are weak, unstable, & unreliable.
Many people judge that males who express feelings openly are
weak, unstable, & unreliable. Essentially, the "sensitive male" is
an oxymoron for many people. Some men severely restrict their
expression of emotions in their effort to comply with real or
perceived social norms for "permissible" male behavior. There is a
tendency for many men to have internal and private experiences that
are in radical contrast to the external demeanor they
display..Therefore, therapists and friends of the male survivor must
be aware that what you see is not always what you have.
Males are logical, decisive, &
action-oriented; feelings are disruptive, tangential, & will make a
person less productive (= less successful).
As a result of existing socialization patterns, males learn to
think their way through their life. Males are taught that feelings
are disruptive to efficiency and, therefore, they learn strategies
for "numbing" or tuning out emotions. By the time most males reach
adulthood, they have probably lost the ability even to identify
feelings. Consequently, a first step in the therapy process for many
male survivors may need to focus on establishing a feelings
vocabulary and learning the skills to identify feelings. For some
male survivors, therapy will be experienced as a very intrusive
undertaking and there may be a resulting fear of therapy or of the
therapist.
Feelings are never clear; they
are usually ambiguous & amorphous; the social order (which requires
that decisions be based on black & white information) would collapse
if everybody operated on feelings; somebody has to keep thinking
clearly.
In
general, males learn to value the importance of solutions.
Therefore, most male survivors will focus considerable energy on
their desire to gather information, to understand, to have answers,
to complete tasks. Inevitably, the male survivor will be confronted
with the ambiguities and uncertainties that surround issues related
to his abuse. There may be a propensity to interpret partial
answers, "grey" areas, or ambiguities as failures. Difficulties in
tolerating anything less than absolute answers may push the male
survivor to become hypercritical of himself and/or others who try to
help him -e.g., therapist &/or other group members.
Feelings imply conflict.
Many males have great difficulty distinguishing specific
emotional energies and, consequently, the presence of any kind of
emotional energy is frequently experienced as a statement of
conflict. As a result, men will often perceive emotional work as
disruptive or counterproductive. They may try to redirect
interchanges to facilitate the avoidance of feelings. Within this
context, it can be predicted that many male survivors may be
vulnerable to power struggles when therapy shifts from addressing
tasks or solutions and seeks to focus on process-oriented
activities.
Dealing with feelings is a
luxury; men must be productive & don't have time to engage in a
luxury such as expressing feelings.
Many men learn to suppress their emotions and believe that
dealing with feelings reflects a last-ditch effort to address a
particular situation. Frequently, men acknowledge their feelings
only when they perceive that things have gotten really bad.
Consequently, males are vulnerable to psychosomatic disorders that
actually reflect the physiological display of repressed feelings.
For example, men tend to have a higher likelihood of stress-related
illnesses such as heart attacks, & at a much younger age than women.
Male survivors will need to overcome injunctions that inhibit their
expression of feelings in order to allow them to incorporate
emotions into their belief system.
Males lack the genetic
predisposition to deal with feelings as effectively as females;
women are able to take care of men around feelings.
Many men accept the cultural norm that males lack the biological
capacity to deal with emotion. Some male survivors are prone to
expect other people (e.g., therapist, peers in group, friends,
partner) to read his mind or to care.
Jim Struve, L.C.S.W. © 1997
2801 Buford Hwy., N.E. - Suite 400, Atlanta, GA. 30329;
e-mail:
jimstruve@mindspring.com
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